A Mile In My Shoes (Part Three)

When Megatron awoke the next morning, he was in Soundwave’s room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Hmm…strange. Soundwave would usually give him the bed. This would need to be addressed.

Megatron looked around for his twins, and then saw them sleeping next to each other in a sleeping bag, all curled up in each other’s arms. It reminded him of that time, over two years ago now, when he first saw their sonogram. One of the best things about being a twin was having an automatic best friend.

 It was light out, so Megatron checked his internal clock—eight in the morning. Slaggit, he was late; he should’ve been out of the house by seven! Why hadn’t Soundwave woken him up? They were supposed to go on the mission together!

 Megatron’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Sapphire screaming. Hmm…that was strange. She hardly ever cried in the morning; Starscream went into the nursery every morning to check on her and make sure she was okay. But Sapphire’s vocals were getting hoarse. Megatron felt something weird in his spark—like it was physically paining him or something. Why? Well, whatever. Megatron had to go see what Starscream was doing.

But when he went into the nursery…Starscream wasn’t there.  

Megatron picked up Sapphire in his arms (he just wanted her to stop screaming) and searched throughout the whole base. Starscream wasn’t anywhere, and for that matter, Soundwave and Long Haul were gone too! Megatron finally confronted Thundercracker in the kitchen.

“Thundercracker!” he hollered. “Where is Starscream?”

“I thought you knew, Megatron,” said Thundercracker. “Starscream went with Soundwave and Long Haul on their regular energon mission. Didn’t he tell you about it?”

“No, he didn’t!” Megatron snapped. “And I was supposed to go! Not him!”

“I thought you’d dropped your career to focus on your family.” Thundercracker looked bewildered. “Someone needs to take care of the sparklings while Starscream is at work all day.”

“Starscream? Work?” Megatron snorted with laughter. “Starscream never does any work.”

“Um. Well.” Thundercracker paused. “Whatever you say, bruh.” 

Thundercracker was looking at Megatron like he had two heads, but Megatron just ignored him and looked in the freezer for a bottle. As much as he didn’t like it, someone had to shut her up if Starscream wasn’t home—and Starscream was going to get a talking-to when he returned. 

Hmm…five bottles were left in the freezer. Would it be enough to last the whole day?

“Thundercracker, did Starscream say when he was going to be back?” Megatron asked the blue Seeker.

“Maybe around four or five.” Thundercracker shrugged.

Megatron looked in the freezer. There were five bottles. Hmm…that was probably enough, right? Sapphire usually filled five or six dirty diapies in one day, so five bottles would surely keep her full until Starscream got back and could fill some more.

Meanwhile, Sapphire was still screaming. Megatron grabbed a bottle out of the freezer and sat down at the table. Oh man…it had been so long since he’d fed a sparkling a bottle…how was he supposed to do it? What if he dropped her on her head? Sapphire squirmed and fussed but finally took the bottle.

Sapphire was slowly going to sleep as she ate. Megatron didn’t know what to do. Should he bounce her? Rock her? Snuggle her?

It was an awkward feeding, but finally Sapphire had finished the whole bottle. She was starting to drift off into stasis. Thank goodness! Megatron walked to his suite and set the sleeping femme in her crib. In the hallway on his way back, he ran into Stars and Megs.

“Morning!” Stars chirped. “Breakfast time?”

“Maybe Starscream left something for you,” Megatron told the little ones. “Come on.”

They went back to the kitchen. Megatron placed Stars and Megs on stools by the kitchen island, and then he looked through the refrigerator, but he couldn’t find anything except some old high-grade. Oh yeah…he was supposed to go search for energon today but he’d overslept! Maybe that was why Starscream had decided to take the job for him.

“You’ll make us breakfast, right?” Stars asked, pointing to the counter. That was when he noticed all the cooking ingredients Starscream had left out—cybernoodles with energon meatballs, which he made for them almost every day; energon soup (liquid energon with little cubes in it); and energon cereal. Megatron guessed the twins might want the cereal, but he didn’t really know how to make it for them.

“Um…what do you guys want?” Megatron asked.

“Cereal!” they chimed.

“Okay, I guess so.” Megatron hunted for some bowls and poured the cereal in, then handed the two bowls to his sparklings.

“No, that’s not how you make it!” Megs looked shocked. “It’s dry!”

Oh right. Energon milk. Megatron sighed and poured the energon milk on top of the cereal, and the twins started to eat. Okay, they were eating. That was good. Megatron decided that today could be his day off, and he went into the living room to watch some TV. About five minutes into his show, he heard what sounded like high-pitched voices screaming in the kitchen.

“Stars! Megs! Quit—oh no…” Megatron did a facepalm and stared at the kitchen. Energon cereal was everywhere, and Megs was chasing Stars with a fork. Both of the twins were covered in cereal.

“No fair!” Stars shrieked as Megs threw some cereal onto him.

“SILENCE!” Megatron barked. Stars landed onto the table, and Megs dropped his fork. Megatron picked up the twins in his arms. “You two have been very bad! You need to take a time-out now.”

“No time-out!” Stars screamed, and started to cry. Megs soon followed suit. Megatron was feeling the beginnings of a headache, but the twins had to learn their lesson.  

“Sit,” Megatron commanded, pointing to the corner of the room. When they sat down, he said, “Stay.”

Although the twins technically stayed in the corner, they didn’t give Megatron much peace. Stars wouldn’t stop crying, and Megs kicked his feet against the wall, leaned back onto his chair, made farting noises with his hands, etc. Their time-out was supposed to be fifteen minutes; once the time was up, Megatron was going to let them out when he heard Sapphire crying again. She had only been asleep for a half an hour! What could she possibly want?

“You can leave time-out,” Megatron told the twins. “But if I catch you messing up again, you’ll be in time-out for an hour, got it?”

“Whatever,” said Megs, jumping off of his time-out chair and running across the room.

Megatron sighed and went into the nursery, where Sapphire was screaming and screaming. Sapphire might look a lot like him, but she definitely inherited her personality from Starscream. Just a needy little baby!

Well, she couldn’t be hungry because he just fed her a half hour ago, right? And she didn’t need her diapie changed because there was no smell. Hmm…confusing. Megatron picked her up and discovered her diapie was just wet. Gross, but not as gross as if she’d made Number Two, which she did a lot…

How do you change a diaper anyway? Megatron thought. They had no changing table, so Megatron lay her down on Stars’ bed. Oh great…now he could smell it. Megatron quickly took off her diapie and threw it in the hamper to be washed, making sure not to touch it too much, and then tied another cloth diaper onto her. How did Starscream get them to stay on? Oh yeah. Pins. Megatron reached for a diaper pin and finished tying Sapphire’s diaper on. It didn’t quite look like it did when Starscream changed her, exactly, but at least she was clean, right? Megatron hoped he would never have to do that again.

Megatron wasn’t sure whether or not he should leave her in the nursery, or if she might want something more out of him. In fact, she’d seemed kind of happy when he was done changing her…but didn’t she need to sleep? Besides, he already had his hands full with the twins. Sapphire could stay in her crib.

Stars and Megs were watching Autobot Air Force, their favorite cartoon. Megatron didn’t know a whole lot about it. Starscream had always watched it as a Seekerling, and he found some old tapes at a thrift store that he showed to his kids. Maybe the TV would keep them occupied, and Megatron could get some rest…but he’d barely been sleeping for fifteen minutes when he awoke to Sapphire.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Megatron mumbled. Please don’t let her have a poopy diaper…

No, she was hungry. Megatron had to leave her and snatch a bottle from the freezer. Okay, there were three left now, and it wasn’t even noon. Sapphire had eaten just about an hour ago! Why was she hungry again? Well, whatever. Megatron sat down in Sapphire’s rocking chair (a gift from Starscream’s mother) and, as usual, she fussed for a little until he finally managed to get her to take the bottle.

As he watched her, Megatron realized how much she really did look like her grandmother. It made him miss his mother that much more, wishing she wasn’t in the kingdom of Primus and was down here with him instead, able to meet her granddaughter, to touch and hold her. Megatron remembered his mother telling him stories about what his father was like, how he’d carried him on his shoulders and played catch with him outside. She never mentioned the day he’d gotten killed. Megatron had a blurry memory of her taking him into the bathroom one cloudy day, holding him in her arms, crying like he had never seen her cry before. At the time he had been far too young to understand; he thought his daddy would come home from work, give his wife and son a kiss and hug, and ask what was for dinner, just like always. But he never did, and Megatron never saw his father again.

Was I ever that small? Megatron wondered, noticing that he could fit his little daughter in the palm of his hand. Megatron, for the most part, couldn’t remember his father, and he wondered: Had his father held him in his arms when he was falling asleep? Had his father changed his diapers and fed him bottles? Megatron had (in his opinion) grown to be a strong, successful, independent mech. How could he have started out that small and helpless?

Megatron noticed that Sapphire was falling asleep, and that her bottle was almost empty. So he gave her a kiss, wrapped her in a blanket and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Megatron was left with a strange feeling, but he couldn’t put it into words.

…

Almost two hours had passed. It was almost noon, and there was only one bottle left. Sapphire had also made two more wet diapies, and Megatron was trying to deny the fact that a real messy one was inevitably coming soon. Also, he had a big headache, which was only intensified because Stars and Megs were fighting again. This had never really concerned him, because it was usually just play-fighting, and he thought it was good practice for when they began their careers as Decepticons, but they were loud and he just wanted to take some medicine and sneak in a nap, because he hadn’t been able to rest all day.

“Stars? Megs?” said Megatron exhaustedly. “Can you please find something quiet to do?”

“No. That’s boring,” Megs replied, kicking Stars in the leg. Stars retaliated by smacking him on the arm.

“I said find something QUIET to do!” Megatron hollered.

This time the twins ignored him completely. Megatron was about to give them time-out again, but then Sapphire’s familiar screeches began to pierce the air.

“Sapphire is crying,” said Stars.

“Good thing we have you to point out the obvious, Stars,” Megatron mumbled, getting up from the couch. What could she possibly want now? But when Megatron entered the nursery, he instantly knew what was wrong. Eloquently put, Sapphire’s latest meal seemed to have finally worked its way through her system.

Oh no, Megatron thought, picking up the sparkling and laying her down on the bed again. Shitshitshitshitshitshit…ew, literally. Shit.

“Did you HAVE to do this, Sapphire?” Megatron asked, covering his mouth with his hand and unfastening Sapphire’s dirty diapie with only the tips of his fingers. That thing wouldn’t need to be washed. It would need to be burned.

Megatron had no idea where Starscream kept the wipes, so he did the only thing he could think of, which was to wipe the majority of the poop off with the front half of the dirty diaper. Oh, great. Now his hands, the diaper and Sapphire were covered in poop, and she was still squirming and screaming louder and louder. Yes…she had definitely inherited her voice from Starscream.

Things got worse when Stars came stumbling into the room. Megatron was trying to figure out how he’d get Sapphire clean, touch her diapie without getting more of the poop on his hands, and put on the clean diapie when he felt Stars tugging on his leg, trying to get his attention.

“What?” Megatron snapped.

“I was having a running race with Megs,” said the toddler tearfully, “and I fell down and got a boo-boo.”

Megatron looked down at Stars’ kneecap. Starscream probably would have cleaned up the injury, given it a Band-Aid and a kiss and sent Stars out to play, but Megatron was too annoyed to see it from a sparkling’s point of view. It was just a tiny scrape, and the sparkling let THAT bring him down? What kind of Decepticon was Megatron raising here?!

“Just ignore it!” Megatron told him. “You’re not going to die.”

“But—but it hurts,” Stars whimpered.

“Oh, man up!” Megatron shouted, and that was when Stars began to cry. Megatron clenched his teeth. “SOUNDWAVE!”

Wait, no, Soundwave is out with Starscream…

“SKYWARP!” Megatron hollered, but the purple Seeker didn’t come running like he normally would have if he heard a sparkling crying. But that meant that both of Megatron’s go-to babysitters were gone! Megatron kept calling Skywarp’s name until finally Gemstone rushed into the nursery, holding Stardust in one arm.

“What in the Pit is going on in here?” she demanded.

“Where’s Skywarp?” Megatron asked, and pointed down at Stars. “I need him.”

“Skywarp and Thundercracker are out flying.” Gemstone looked at the crying toddler and bent down to pick him up. “Primus, Megatron, what’d you do to him? Poor little guy.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Megatron protested.

“Well, maybe that’s the problem,” Gemstone said shortly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re even worse with sparklings than I am,” Gemstone replied, frowning as she left the room. “And that’s saying something.”

Megatron paused, watching her leave the room. Why did that hurt so much?

ONE HOUR LATER…

After some struggling, Sapphire’s diapie was finally changed, along with the wet one that followed it, and the finishing of the last bottle. Megatron hoped she wouldn’t have to eat again until Starscream got home. Meanwhile, the twins started pestering Megatron about lunch.

“We’re hungry,” they said as they pulled at his fingers, climbed on him, tapped on his helmet. Megatron finally yawned and stood up. Couldn’t he just get one little minute of rest? That was all he asked!

“Fine, I’ll make you lunch,” Megatron snapped, beckoning for them to follow him into the kitchen. “What do you two want?”

“Cybernoodles!” Megs told him. “With energon meatballs!”

“Well, y’know, I’ve never done it before,” said Megatron nervously.

“What do you mean?” Stars looked confused. “You always cook it for us!”

“No, I don’t, it’s always Starscream who—” Megatron paused. It was always Starscream who did what? Everything was going backwards today. Soundwave and Starscream were doing his job, and Megatron was stuck at home alone with the kids and everybody was acting like it was normal, like it was what he did every day. Indeed, he was doing Starscream’s job, and Starscream was doing his, so…

“Mommy?” Stars asked quietly, and that was when it hit Megatron. Right now he was Stars’ mommy, because he had switched lives with Starscream. Megatron was now the one who gave birth to all three sparklings, the one who had a spark-bond with them, the one who had to stay home all day taking care of them. It was hardly past noon and Megatron was starting to go insane. How did Starscream do all this?!

It didn’t matter. If Megatron had switched lives with his spark-mate, as he suspected, the twins and Sapphire were under his and only his care now.

“Okay,” Megatron told them calmly. “Let’s make your lunch.”

Megatron looked at the box for directions. Luckily he could just defrost the energon meatballs in the microwave, but he had never cooked on a stove before. Starscream wasn’t a good cook, but one meal he was especially good at was cybernoodles and energon meatballs, which the twins loved so much that they demanded it every day.

Boil water in large pot. Okay…Megatron put one of their pots on the stove and turned the burner on, watching the flame ignite. This wasn’t so hard. Megs and Stars sat eagerly by the island, waiting for their meal.

The instructions said to cook the noodles for 10-12 minutes, so Megatron took note of the time—it was 1:45 in the afternoon. So at 1:55, Megatron could take the noodles off the stove and dump them in the sink—all he had to do was stir until they were tender enough to eat. Then maybe while the twins were eating, he could finally get some rest.

It was a little boring, waiting for the water to boil. Megatron told the sparklings to go watch TV in the living room while he waited for the water to start bubbling. Soon enough, little bubbles appeared on the sides of the pot, and then the water finally reached a boiling point. Megatron called the little ones back in.

“How much pasta do you want?” Megatron asked them.

“Make the whole box!” Megs told him.

Megatron nodded and dumped the entire box of noodles into the water, keeping his eyes on the clock as he stirred. When it was finally 1:55, he put the strainer in the sink, then used the pot holders to pick up the pot and dump the noodles into the strainer for the sparklings to eat. Easy!

Well, most of Starscream’s life might be difficult to navigate. But at least cooking was something he could manage. Megatron took the pot holders off his hands and tossed them onto the counter next to the stove. Or at least, that’s where he thought he threw them.

Stars and Megs were jumping with excitement as Megatron picked up the strainer and set out two empty bowls…until they started screaming. Megatron stopped cold. That was when he realized that one of the pot holders hadn’t landed on the counter—it had landed on the stove, and he’d forgotten to turn the burner off.

“FIRE! FIRE!” Stars screamed, flying around and around in circles; Megs was trying to blow on the flames, but of course that didn’t work. Megatron was shocked at what he saw—the pot holder had caught on fire, and the flames were only getting higher.

“Put it out Mommy! Put it out!” Megs cried. As he always did in a troublesome situation, Megatron looked around to see what his options were. And then it hit him—they were underwater.

“Get the pots, you two!” Megatron hollered, pointing to the drawers where they kept the big cooking pots. Stars and Megs opened the drawers and grabbed what they could, then watched Megatron punch a hole in the wall, letting a big stream of water flow in. The twins, quickly picking up on the plan, scrambled up to gather the water in the pots. Megatron grabbed a third pot and did the same.

“Now dump!” Megatron continued, once all three pots were full. Stars and Megs couldn’t reach the stove from on the ground, but they both poured the water on the fire from above as Megatron emptied his own pot.

And they watched with horror as the flames jumped into the air with new life, spreading to the cabinets and counters.

“It’s bigger!” Stars pointed out, looking terrified. Now the water in the kitchen was up to Megatron’s ankles, and he knew that if he didn’t do something quick, his entire base of operations would be up in smoke.

Megatron gripped his head in his hands. Water was supposed to put out fire—even he knew that! So why hadn’t this worked?

Maybe I can smother it with something, Megatron thought. But with what? It had to be something non-flammable. Megatron ran to the refrigerator and searched for something, anything, trying to remember what he’d learned about fire safety. They didn’t have fire on Cybertron, so he didn’t know much.

Their fridge was mostly filled with energon, and Megatron knew that wasn’t a good option, since energon was highly explosive. But wait…

Energon fire!

Megatron had run into energon fire plenty of times back in the day. One time it had happened to him in the kitchen, and his mother had been able to put it out. But how? Megatron’s eyes quickly scanned over everything they had in the refrigerator until they stopped on something that looked familiar—baking soda! That’s it!

This was an Earth fire, and Megatron’s baking soda was energon-based. But this was the only thing he could think of.

Megatron remembered his mother telling him to stand back as she grabbed the box from the refrigerator and doused the flames, preventing what could have burned the entire apartment down. Now he did the same, pouring it first on the burner and then pouring the cooking ingredient into the pasta bowls and tossing it onto the cabinets, the counters, and every single flame he could see. Seeing the blaze start to falter, he grabbed a pot lid in each hand and slammed them onto the remaining fire, smothering it. In the absence of oxygen, the fire put itself out. Megatron sighed in relief and shut the burner off.

Then he dropped to his knees and held his sparklings close, thanking Primus for sparing them as the water got higher.

“Let’s go find something to cover up the hole in the wall,” he whispered.

…

After the fire, Stars and Megs had been too scared to be wild, and Megatron just sat with them on the couch, letting them sit on his lap as he told them how much he loved them. They were getting sleepy, too, since it was almost time for their naps. So he slowly led them to his office, where they kept the crib and the twins’ miniature beds.

“Thanks for saving us,” Stars mumbled sleepily as he snuggled underneath the covers.

“No problem, buddy,” Megatron said quietly, giving him a quick goodnight kiss and then looking over at the other twin. Megs was already fast asleep, his thumb in his mouth. Sapphire was fussing, so Megatron lifted her out of her crib and into his arms so the twins could sleep in peace.

By the time they got to the living room, Sapphire was full-out crying. Since her diaper was clean, Megatron figured she was hungry again…but they were all out of bottles. Knowing now that he was the mother, Megatron realized why it had been so hard to get Sapphire to take a bottle—because what she really wanted had been only a couple layers of armor away.

“Okay, I’ve…I’ve seen this done before,” Megatron told her nervously. “So…I can probably do it myself.”

If I truly have switched lives with Starscream, that makes me the mother, Megatron thought to himself. And if that’s true, then...

Yes, Megatron came equipped with a fully-functional lactation cable. It was ten times more awkward than with a bottle feeding, but it was characteristic for Sapphire to quickly latch on, and she was soon eating happily, her small black hands curled into tiny fists.

Since he didn’t know what else to do, Megatron tried to remember Starscream doing the same thing. Cable-feeding Sapphire felt kind of uncomfortable; Megatron would be embarrassed if somebody were to walk in right now. But dating back to when Stars and Megs were newborns and had been cable-feeding every hour like Sapphire did now, Starscream had never had a problem with it. Usually he’d do it at the kitchen table in the mornings, oftentimes changing the other twin’s diaper at the same time. Or he’d do his other Supermom duties with a hungry sparkling cradled in the crook of his arm; he had even done it while vacuuming a couple of times.

When she was finally done, Sapphire shut her big red eyes and drifted into sleep, one little hand wrapped tightly around Megatron’s finger. Megatron shut his chest compartment and stood up slowly, holding Sapphire against his shoulder, feeling her breathe softly in her sleep.

…

Megatron was finally able to take a big fat nap after that, lasting about an hour until Sapphire woke him up with another dirty diaper—not quite as bad as her last disaster, but still not exactly pleasant to take clean up. Stars and Megs had gotten up from their naps, so Sapphire and Megatron were the only ones in the nursery, but Stars and Megs were playing independently in the living room. That was one good thing about them getting older—they didn’t have to be supervised every moment of the day.

After he was finished changing Sapphire’s latest diaper, Megatron headed back to the living room to check on Stars and Megs. Stars was playing with his little toy airplane (a gift he’d gotten from Starscream on his first birthday) but Megs was gone. Probably left to get a toy he left in the other room, Megatron thought to himself as he sat down on the couch, but he was wrong.

“Um…Mommy?” said Megs, walking up to Megatron and pulling on his leg. The little gunformer looked guilty.

“What happened, Megs?” Megatron asked suspiciously.

“I-I…I kind of had an accident,” Megs told him.

“What kind of accident?”

“The potty kind,” Megs explained quietly, looking guiltier than ever.

“Oh for crying out—what did you have to go and do that for?!” Megatron yelled, standing up from the couch.

“I’m sorry, Mommy.” Megs looked like he was going to cry. Megatron sighed, knowing who was going to have to clean it up.

…

Megatron had gone through some humiliating experiences in his life, it was true, but cleaning up Megs’ mess in the bathroom was near the top of the list. Megatron considered giving him time out, but then changed his mind. The sparkling felt bad enough as it is, and besides, he and his brother had been out of diapers for less than a year. Things like this were bound to happen every once in a while.

By the time Megatron was done cleaning, it was about three in the afternoon. Thank goodness… only one hour until Starscream got home. It had been an exhausting day. There were a few more feedings with Sapphire and another dirty diaper. But finally, at around 4:30, Starscream came home. Stars and Megs were fighting AGAIN, and Megatron was so sick of it! So when Starscream walked in the door, the first thing Megatron did was yell.

“It’s about time you showed up!’’ he hollered. “Your sparklings have been acting like complete and total brats and I can’t take it anymore! Can’t you have a talk with them or something and give me a little rest?!’’

“Just be quiet, Megatron,’’ said Starscream, sounding annoyed. “Can’t you see I’ve had a rough day while you just sit on your aft all day? Why don’t you make yourself useful and cook some dinner?’’

“B-But…’’ Megatron watched Starscream go into the living room to his chair. Was that really what Megatron sounded like when he came home every evening?

…

Because Megatron and his sons had all lost their appetites after the fire in the kitchen, they still had the pasta and meatballs left over. They were cold, as usual, and the pasta had a special ‘’burnt’’ flavor to it. Megatron decided not to tell Starscream why.

After dinner, Starscream and most of the other Decepticons were summoned to fight in a battle with the Autobots. Naturally, Megatron had to stay home and take care of Sapphire and the twins.

So it was just the four of them, back at base. Megatron was sitting on the couch around seven at night. Sapphire was in his arms, sleeping, and he was sleeping too. Stars and Megs were watching ‘’Autobot Air Force’’ on TV. It was relatively peaceful, when Megatron was bolted awake by his com. link ringing.

“Hello?’’ he mumbled sleepily, not bothering to check the Caller ID.

“Greetings, Professor Megatron,’’ the voice said on the other line. “This is Crystal City College. Are you able to speak right now?’’

“Wait… did you just call me Professor Megatron?’’

“Well, you have a Master’s degree in both Biology and Chemistry, respectively, do you not?’’

“Oh… oh yeah.’’ Megatron sighed. Of course. If he had switched lives with Starscream, that meant he also held Starscream’s degrees. “Sorry, I’ve just had a long day.’’

“Well, we know it’s short notice, but we were hoping you would be able to deliver a guest lecture at our college on the mathematical properties of Chemistry?’’

“What do you think I am, a mathematician?” Megatron hollered.

“Um…yes?” guessed the person on the phone, sounding confused.

“Um, NO!” Megatron wished he had a receiver to slam down like the humans did when they were angry at a caller, but instead he just pressed the “end call” button very aggressively. It was so agitating to Megatron when people showed off their degrees. Starscream had two Master’s degrees, one in Biology and one in Chemistry, and Skyfire had a Master’s in Geology and a Ph.D. in Biology (that was how he and Starscream met). It wasn’t Megatron’s fault that he had never finished high school!

Wait. Skyfire! Megatron could just call Skyfire and ask him what to say, and then he could deliver the lecture at Crystal City College!

Megatron dialed the Autobot base’s number, adding Skyfire’s extension at the end (apparently now that Skyfire was his best friend, the shuttle was already in his speed dial).

“Yes?” Skyfire said pleasantly, picking up the phone. That was something that got on Megatron’s nerves. Skyfire was always pleasant. It was infuriating.

“Um, this is Megatron,” said Megatron. “Could I ask you for a favor?”

“What kind of favor?”

“Well, Crystal City College has invited me to give a lecture about the mathematical properties of Chemistry,” Megatron explained. “I want to take them up on their offer, but I’m not sure what to say. Could you help me come up with something?”

“Gee, Megatron, I’d love to, but I don’t have a degree in Chemistry,” Skyfire said apologetically. “My degrees are a Ph.D. in Biology and a Master’s in Geology.”

“I don’t care what degrees you have!” Megatron yelled, resisting the urge to call Skyfire an annoying slagtard. “Just HELP ME!”

That was when they heard Speedwing calling Skyfire. “Honey? Where are you? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, darling!” Skyfire told her, and Megatron felt like throwing up; then Skyfire continued his conversation with Megatron. “Listen, friend, I’m kind of in the middle of something right now. Speedwing and I are teaching our evening science enrichment program for sparklings. We’re building diagrams of Cybertron and I need to help everyone. Besides, you have a degree in Chemistry. You should be able to deliver the speech. You’re probably just nervous, that’s all.”

“I’m not nervous!” Megatron was furious. “I’m a GREAT public speaker! I just don’t know the—hold on.”

Megatron’s com. link was beeping with a call on another line; the gray mech’s eyes grew wide in horror as he saw who the caller was. It was from none other than the University of Cybertron.

This was not good. If it was the University of Cybertron, it had to be something big. Whenever they called Starscream, it seemed like the Seeker always had to talk them through some horrible disaster, using scientific jargon that Megatron didn’t even understand. And now, as Starscream’s substitute, Megatron was expected to take this call and, most likely, fix an emergency.

“Megatron?” Skyfire was saying, but his voice was growing faint. “Are you still there?”

“Oh sweet Primus,” Megatron mumbled. Suddenly he was feeling dizzy.

“Megatron!” Skyfire repeated, this time sounding anxious, but Megatron did not answer, for he had collapsed onto the floor.

TO BE CONTINUED…